It's Istanbul, Not Constantinopol

When we landed in Istanbul, it was already 6:15 PM local time. The passport control took quite some time, and by the time we were leaving the airport it was about seven. A man holding a sign with our names on it was waiting for us at the exit.

It was a hot day, even that late in the afternoon. The rolled down windows on the highway served us instead of an AC. The driver didn't speak any English, so we couldn't ask him for any pointer about the city. Their driving here is more loose, for lack of a better term. The barely visible lanes are there just for suggestion. Cars are smaller and apparently more narrow, because they were squeezing between what I would think is two cars in two lanes spaces. They mostly drive with just one hand; the other is either holding a cell phone, supporting the right side of the body on the arm rest, or dangling out the window and signaling other driver to pass or as a turn signal, or it's on the horn. There is a lot of honking here.

I was surprised how big Istanbul is. It took us about 45 min to get to our hotel in Taksim, and we drove through all densely populated areas. My first impression was that it looked like much larger and advanced Sarajevo, but the people's mannerisms are about the same.

Our hotel, Golden Age 1, is mediocre. It wasn't my pick, and I just lost interest in making a decision on it after weeks of talking about it. We paid EUR90 per night for it, but "at the door" price at the reception desk is EUR190. It has a great location, just 3 min walk to the main square, but is still on a quiet street. It has no view, and the room is about what you';d find in a motel 8 type of places. They don't offer toiletries in the bathroom, but they have two soap dispensers. Our night stand lamp cable was sparking and smoking when lamp was turned on. We asked them for a soap and to fix the lamp, but they didn't come while we went out in the evening. When we were back, I couldn't figure out how to turn any light on *apparently you have to plug your room key into some wall pocket(, so when they came about that, I had them change the lamp, too. We'll see, maybe my opinion about hotel will improve - we spend so little time there anyway.

We ate kebabs for dinner and had "the best Turkish" Efes beer, recommended by the owner of a small restaurant, Hanchi Baba, near by, after being handed to some four paper menus in the same block of the street. Afterwards, we went for a stroll down the main drag filled with people, both locals and tourists. It reminded me a lot of the main pedestrian street in Sarajevo, Ferhadija. Although it was close to midnight, many shops and all eateries were still open. Within five minutes we saw a Subway, McDonald's. Burger King and Starbucks, two of them. The side streets had many restaurants and cafes with outside seating areas. The street merchants were were selling cooked and baked corn (misir), one was even selling mussels served with lemon juice. All ice cream places had a man dressed in traditional Turkish outfit and with huge metal spoons folding and poking the ice cream inside the metal bins. We passed by couple of mosques and two churches as well, but gates of the courtyards were closed on each. One was even guarded by a police car and men with guns. We even saw a couple of priests walk by while we were eating dinner. I also noticed several people turning their prayer beads as they were walking. Many women had their heads covered, much more so than in Sarajevo, Mom observed it's most common now then 20 years ago when she was here. Many of them were older, but we saw quite a few with small children as well. It seems most of them are from other countries, because they spoke English with the locals. Majority of young people, and other tourists of course, were dressed just the same as folks in the west do; there were all sorts of stiles.

There are so many things we could see here, so tomorrow we'll make a plan. We tentatively each put in three ideas; mine were the Basilica of Hagia Sofia (Holy Wisdom) no called Ayasofya Museum, the Blue Mosque, and a boat ride down the Strait, that separates Europe and Asia. Mom would like a dinner on the Bosphorus canal, some time on the beach and long perusing through Kapali Charshy (Covered Bazaar). It's supposed to be sunny and hot (86F) this week, unlike Sarajevo where it's 50s and raining this week, so hopefully that won't slow us down too much.

The Night Sheds Some Light

The last night I felt as if I talked with a Psychiatrist, and He kept probing for deeper questions to untangle source of some of my anxieties.

I woke up last night around midnight and couldn't fall back to sleep. It was raining outside. My mind started rolling and in no time I was completely awake, my body still thinking it was afternoon hours. I was thinking about all sorts of things, from writing a complaint letter against the airline, through work related things, to different expectations for this vacation. Couple of hours later, mom was going to bed and came in to check up on me. Since I was awake, she lay next to me and we started talking.

At one point we came back to the topic of home improvements in the apartment. This place could use some fixing up, and there are some appliances that are on their last breaths, not to mention numerous smaller things that I'd like to change. My mom's budget doesn't allow her these expenses. Any money that I leave her she turns around after some time and gives us in presents or sometimes just cash for my brother. Since what I give is a gift, I try not to look at how she uses it, so I try to implement personally what I see fit while I am here.

Every time I come to visit I try to do what I can, even though mom usually tries to talk me out of it. Over the last four or so visits, I installed window treatments, restructured stackable cabinets, resurfaced bath tub, sink and toilet, replaced faucets, installed shelves, wallpapered the kitchen cabinets and a storage unit, installed a new counter top, replaced a fridge, microwave and TV, framed several paintings, detail cleaned kitchen and baths, decluttered and reorganized, and several other odd jobs here and there.

This year I was also thinking of having someone install new windows in the living room since the old ones are so dried out that they don't close properly. They are not good in hot nor cold weather, and last year while mom was in the US her neighbour told her the wind blew the window open, so we had someone come in to close it. The living room is also facing the west side, so the afternoon sun on hot days makes it unbearable to sit there. I was thinking of installing the outside rolling blinds and possible even install an AC unit for that room. I was especially warming up to that idea after the heat blast I got yesterday upon arriving to the apartment.

But mom is refusing to do anything about the windows, blinds or the AC. She doesn't want to deal with contractors and mess they leave behind (even though I was convincing her I'll handle all of it) She doesn't like the look of the outside blinds, and the fact that they cannot be cleaned. The AC she is most against, because she thinks the direct air can make one sick, there are not that many very hot days here, the wall unit looks ugly, and the east side of the apartment is not hot in the afternoon so she can sit, eat or drink coffee on the balcony on that side. We were not getting anywhere with our disagreement, so we dropped the conversation about it for that night. After she went to her room, I started thinking about it again.

So, I had some kind of inner dialog trying to understand why making these changes in the apartment is so important to me. What I first realized is that I actually never lived in this place. I moved to the US before we bought it and I only came to visit mom for a few weeks since then. I realized that because I never lived here, I don't actually feel this place as a home. I don't have my room - I sleep in a room that has all the things that my brother used before he moved away, but he, too, never lived here for more than three months during his summer visits. I started thinking about people who go back to their parents' house to visit and stay in the same room they grew up in. I know there are many people whose family moved through different homes while they were growing up, but most of them still had material things in the new environment to help them make feel at home. I don't have anything here that reminds me of my childhood or any years of growing up. That realization made me very sad.

I allowed myself to weep a bit, and after accepting this 'new' fact, I wanted to probe more to realize why it affected me that way. I wanted to find out why I have such a need for control in fixing up this place, and am so irritated that mom doesn't seem to want or need the change. I realized that, since this doesn't feel like home, which I apparently didn't realize before, all my striving to improve it were not just a way to help and better my mom's life, but also a way of making my imprint on this place, making it feel like my home, too. The fact that it is not up to my standards, and I am limited, in time and decision power, of how much I can change, was agitating me because I am trying to make this place my home (it is also registered under my name). But, this is not my home. I actually have a new home now in Austin, and I have all control over what I want to do with it.

Discovering that the reason for my I-want-to-fix-it issue is the fact that I don't have the things around me that remind me of the past, allowed me to step back and look at it from a different angle. For example, if I was here visiting a friend in his/her place, I wouldn't at all think about the drawbacks of that apartment and how I could make it better. And when I then started thinking about this place as simply my mom's apartment that I am just visiting, I felt at peace. It is hers to make the decisions, and ask me for help if she needs or wants it, and I would extend that help. I am here on vacation, not a home improvement mission.

This little psycho-analysis has helped liberate me a bit further from holding onto the past, especially the material aspects of it. I felt warm and fuzzy when thinking about my home. And peaceful. My mind has calmed down, and was ready for sleep. The rain was still rolling outside, but now it was a soothing sound.

Made It To Sarajevo

After a failed first start, I left Austin a day later. My flight on the first day from Austin was delayed because the plane we were supposed to board was late coming in from Chicago. Since I only had one hour to catch the next flight in DC, and it was already late afternoon and no other connection was possible that evening, they booked me again for Friday. A different route, one less connection, but a 5 hour fly over in Vienna. I was pretty tired when I arrived to Sarajevo, not having really slept on the planes. But, I had a nice chat with an older gentlemen sitting next to me on the nine hour flight, and all my bags arrived at the same time with me.

It was hot that day in Sarajevo, 86F. And my mom's appartment is on the 5th floor, with no elevator. Plus, each of my bags was 50 lbs. And there is no AC or fans. I am spoiled living with the AC for the last 11 years. I was cranky and irritable. I decided I don't want to stay in the appartment that afternoon and eat lunch and have coffee with mom, but wanted to go out to some cooled down coffee shop. So we did, even though it was hot outside and there is some walking. I also was not going to be in Sarajevo for the next 6 days, so I wanted to soak in the city for a bit.

It was a good idea. I enjoyed the walk through the town, seeing people on the streets, having 'pita' at my favorite place, more walking and then coffee at a new place on a narrow bridge above a small waterfall. It was even chilly sitting by the water, and the weather was starting to change. By the time we got home it was already evening. I unpacked all the stuff I brought for mom, repacked my bag for the Turkey trip and fell asleep exausted by 10 PM in front of the TV. I was hoping to get a good night sleep.

Vacation Time!

It's that time again for me to take a long vacation. My employer is forcing us to use 10 days of our payed vacation is second and third quarter this year, and I am not complaining. :) I was planning to go to Bosnia this year in September anyway, so this trip just came a few months earlier. I am using all my vacation time, and will be gone for three and a half weeks!

I am flying out this afternoon, and after four flights and almost 24 hours later, I should be in Sarajevo Friday evening local time. I'll have the weekend to adjust and relax a bit before going to Istanbul, Turkey, on Monday for 6 days. I have been to southern part of Turkey some 19 years ago (gosh, that sounds sooo long time ago), but that was in two smaller, resort-style cities. Istanbul is going to be something completely different.

After that, I'll be in Sarajevo probably until July 5th, and hope during that time to see my godmother who lives in Germany. Then I'll go somewhere on the Adriatic coast to the beach, possibly Makarska for 2-3 days. Those days should be all relaxing on the beach, in the shade. Then mom and I have a scheduled 3-day organized trip that leaves from Sarajevo and goes to the northern part of Croatian cost, Istra. We hope to meet up with this group somewhere on the coast, so we don't have to go to Sarajevo just to get on that bus. Those 3 days will be packed with sightseeing from one place to another.

The last couple of days of my vacation I'll again be in Sarajevo, to enjoy the walks, cafes, people watching, and local fast food....

It's a hard life, but somebody has to do it. :)

Duckling Update

The ducks were still in the bush when I got home last night. I changed their water and was surprised how dirty it was. The mom was happy with the new fresh water to drink. Few minutes after I went inside the house, the babies were outside the nest and in the water bowl! I removed the deep dish because I was worried they might have trouble getting in it, and here they were, five squeezed in on a little puddle. They quickly rushed back into the nest when they saw me, but then the other two from the back came out and took a swim. Adorable!

They didn't come out any more for the evening, and since they were so active last night I knew their departure is very close. This morning at 8 am they were already gone and there was an empty nest. :( Mom picked probably the best time to take them to the water, because there are barely any cars and people around on an early Saturday morning. I am sad that I didn't get to walk with them, but they didn't need to wait for me. They are wild ducks, and it is best for them to have minimal dependence on humans. The pond is just five houses away, and they only had one small street to cross that is used only by the residents there.

Maybe I'll see them at the pond in a few days, acting all grown up. You can come back any time, mama duck, and use the safety on our rosemary bush again!

Post Update:
The ducklings made it all to the pond safe. I saw all 12 of them in the afternoon with duck that, I suppose, is their dad, playing and grooming on the shore, and even already trying to eat bread crumbs the locals were throwing at them. Their swimming instinct has also kicked in.
The mama duck, on the other hand, decided to come back to the place she called home for the last month - our rosemary bush. As I was getting ready to trim the overgrown branches, she landed on the driveway and was just starring at me. I gave her some water, and she drank at least 20 times. Then she took some bread pieces out of my hand, and was still just standing there. I continued with my other yard work and she eventually slowly approached the former nest, examined it for several minutes and then made her way inside. I guess she just missed her own bed. :)

Storm And the Ducklings

Last night Austin had an electrifying storm and has seen a tornado touch down within the city limits, something that I don't remember ever happening. Some areas had wind bursts of 80 mph and golf ball-sized hail at 1 3/4". Our neighbourhood was on the lower end of the storm, but we still had very large winds, few quarter sized hails and very heavy rain - which we didn't have any of in the last several weeks.

In all of that, our ducklings from the rosemary bush decided to make an appearance just yesterday. When we came back home from work, I noticed one egg half-shell next to the nest as I was starting to change the water and food for the duck. When I looked closer, the little yellow fuzz balls were peeping from underneath the proud mama. When I learned of the intensity of the storm we were expecting, I removed the bowls in front of the nest, so that the ducks don't get hurt if the bowls start flying. I was really afraid for the safety of the babies in all that rain and wind.

After the first blow of the storm, I went out with an umbrella to check up on them. Their nest was well protected by the sturdy bush branches, so much so that even the egg shells did not move. The mama had spread her wings and covered all the ducklings so I couldn't see any of them. She was completely wet.

This morning, as I was surveying any damage to the roof, another duck of the same kind, possibly a male, flew onto the front yard and was checking us out. After just few minutes, he flew back in the direction of the pond. When I looked at the nest, the babies were there by themselves, all huddled together and each trying to get in the center and away from the camera. There were 11 of them. I couldn't resist to pet those little cute feathery balls. After few minutes, while I was back in the house, the mom came back, and was guarding them again.

I read that the ducklings should leave the nest within a day or two after hatching and walk with the mama back to the water. I really hope they are still there this evening and I can escort them in safety to the water over the weekend.

These Days...

This past week my brother was away on a small vacation, and I have enjoyed having the car to myself. I didn't have to worry about leaving the work at certain time or having to go home first to drop him off before going to an evening activity. I didn't feel guilty about being out most of the day on both Saturday and Sunday, and then again going out in the evening. Don't get me wrong, I very much enjoy having my brother around, but I don't even realize how much stress sharing a car adds, until he is not here to share it.

He is coming back tonight.

But, just two more weeks, and I am leaving for vacation to Bosnia, for 3.5 weeks! It's going to be an active one; mom and I plan to go to Istanbul for 5 days, and to the Adriatic coast for another 5, plus few day trips. I am very much looking forward to it.

I had a list of items to take with me, so I've been busy these days visiting stores and checking things off my list. I am very list oriented. I love this preparation time, for any trip. It gives me a sense that the vacation is even longer, as I am already getting into that mood. I just need to keep focus at work, because there are many loose end to tie up before I leave. Speaking of which, I should probably get back to work instead of day dreaming about vacation. :)